3 Secrets to Creating a Calm Atmosphere with Children

Do you ever feel like a gerbil on a wheel that is running, running and not really going anywhere fast?

Life today is busy and hectic. It is go, go, go, all day until you fall into bed exhausted! Maybe over tired and sleep evades! So what can we do?

The first step is to slow down. (Yes I am speaking to myself too.)

The children feel it too and react with whiny, cranky and sometimes meltdown behaviour which in turn can leave you feeling overwhelmed. So what to do? What to do?

Routine, Predictability and Consistency!!!

These three words are the essence of a positive outcome in your daily life, living and working with children. They are the most important aspects for creating a calm atmosphere in your home or classroom.

I know you are probably saying to yourself; “yeah but, there is this do, and we need to get that done.” Trust me I hear you. Sometimes we can get so weary in well doing that we forget to slow down and enjoy this life we have been given. Before we know it exhaustion seeps in, then burnout and our children, families and coworkers suffer with us and sometimes because of us!

Children need a routine that is predictable and consistent (And if truth be told, so do we). They like the same thing happening everyday. It creates a sense of stability and security and minimizes the chance of an outburst.

One day one of the parents in our centre approached me as I sat working in my office. She looked exhausted and was on the brink of tears. A mom of an infant and a toddler, she plumped down in the chair and sighed.

“You look exhausted,” I commented. “Tell me what is happening.”

She blew out a big sigh and said, “I am. I used to be so organized before the children were born and now everyday is chaotic. Johnny is 2.5 and never listens and the baby is good but Johnny bugs her and gets her upset then gets mad because she cries too loud and then…”

She continued to tell me how there was no routine in their home, the children were not on any sort of schedule and even her disciplining her toddler was inconsistent.

Clearly this was not going to be an immediate fix as the issues had been going on for some time but by following the principles below bit by bit, she was able to regain control of her household and experience having fun again with her family.

Routine: Setting up a daily routine:

Whether you are running a classroom or a home there are certain things that need to be done daily. Taking the time to write down what all these things are will help you to place them into the proper order.

One thing I have found effective is the rock, pebble and sand system. This system helps you to identify what is most important and least important.

The rocks represent the things that are most important such as feeding, dressing and caring for the children and yourself. You are as important as the children because if you are unwell or overwhelmed then taking care of the children becomes even more

strenuous and can lead to the chaos the parent above was experiencing. For educators and parents alike, it can lead to burn out. So be sure to put first things first. Setting appropriate boundaries for the children (and yourself) according to the child’s age and ability. Also setting expectations for behaviors and manners. This may be something you and your partner/spouse should do together so all are on the same page.

The pebbles are less important but also necessary such as dishes, laundry and tidying

after the children. These little things left unattended for too long, can add to the chaos and feelings of being overwhelmed.

Children are capable even as young as 1 to help out with minor tasks and it also gives them a sense of confidence and capability not to mention ownership of their environment. Yes it is true that it may take longer to complete a task but at the same time you and the child are building a stronger connection which helps boost the child’s self esteem and strengthen your relationship.

The sand represents everything else that can be put off such as expecting perfection from yourself or the child. This is a big one for many adults. Many have high expectations of oneself and allow the less than perfect way a child folds the face cloths, or puts the toys on the shelf or clean up the spilt milk to to allow them to be bothered and annoyed with these things and thus adopt the attitude of “doing everything myself”.

As a young educator and mom I had felt this way. I wanted my classroom to look perfect when I left for the day and my home was to always look spic and span. So much so that I ended up driving myself half crazy and burning out.

I was tired, and stressed and on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I visited my doctor and he recommended two options. Go on antidepressants or get away for two weeks. He strongly recommended the latter and so leaving my daughter at home with her dad I took the train to my sister in-law’s. She gave me the advice of determining what was most important to least important. Years later I heard the rock, pebble and sand analogy which I am now sharing with you, to help me make sense of time management.

By setting up a simple routine with the understanding of what the rocks, pebbles and sand were in my life, I was able to put things in the proper perspective. It took some time but with my sister-in-law’s help I was able to put myself and consequently my life in order. Many things had to change and from time to time I have had to revisit this system but I can vouch that if applied, it does help.

Predictability: What Comes Next

Children need to know what is going to happen next. The “not knowing”, creates feelings of insecurity and instability not only in children but also in adults.

In setting up a routine as we mentioned above this will establish predictability in your home and classroom. It will also reduce negative behaviors. Notice I said reduce. Let me qualify that.

Let’s say you are getting ready to go outside. You have set up the routine of getting on shoes, coat, hat and mitts but there are several children to get ready or perhaps the phone rings and it is important to take this particular call. The child(ren) are ready but you are not. This is where things can go south quickly. The secret is to be prepared ahead of time with a busy box or books or puzzles to keep them engaged while you continue with the tasks you need to complete.

Give warnings: Let them know when things will happen. “When I am finished in 5 minutes, we will put the book, puzzles, busy box away and go outside.” Count down the warning in 2 minutes again 1 minute. And remind them it will be here when we come back in.

Consistency: It Truly is the Key

This is crucial! Consistency is how we build trust, security and respect. If you say you will do something make sure you follow through. The children in your world need you to be consistent. They need to know they can trust you. They need to see that you care enough for them to set appropriate boundaries and follow through.

When my granddaughter was three and a half she knew that if Nana said no, it was no. At the time I was running a childcare program in my home. One of the newer children asked me for a third granola bar. He had already had a banana, an apple and some strawberries, some yogurt and two granola bars. This was only supposed to be a snack. The other children were all finished and gone off to play and we had cleared everything away.

I said, “snack is over now” and he kept asking over and over again for another one.

The other children knew that my no is no but this little guy had not learned that yet.

Finally after hearing him ask again for the fourth time, my granddaughter said, “Give up! When Nana says no it is no.”

Another child agreed and said, “That’s true, she means what she says.”

He stopped asking and went off to play with the others.

We are the leaders in our children’s life. They are looking to us for guidance, boundaries and wisdom. We all have it to give. Following these simple concepts will give you the tools you need to provide the routine, predictability and consistency the children in your world are looking to you to give them.