Ouch! That Hurts: Why Toddlers Bite

As the director of a large childcare facility I sign multiple incident and behaviour reports regarding biting. It is frustrating as a parent whose child has been bitten and equally frustrating for the parent whose child is doing the biting. As a parent myself I feel the frustration from both sides. 

As and Early Learning professional I understand how and why this happens. So let's explore why this occurs and what we as parents and educators can do when it happens to mitigate biting situations.

Why oh why???

The good news is this is usually a phase that very young children will outgrow. Toddlers might bite for several reasons, typically they grow out of this behavior as they develop better communication skills and self-control. Here are some common reasons why young children might bite:

1. Exploration: Infants and toddlers explore the world through their senses, including their mouths. Biting might be a way for them to learn about different textures and sensations.

2. Communication: Before they develop effective verbal skills, children might use biting as a way to express their needs or feelings, such as frustration, discomfort, or a desire for attention.

3. Teething: For infants and toddlers, biting can provide relief from the discomfort of teething. Chewing on objects or biting can help soothe their sore gums.

4. Frustration or Anger: Children might bite when they're unable to express their emotions verbally or when they're feeling frustrated or angry.

5. Seeking Attention: Sometimes, children bite to get attention, even if it’s negative. They might have learned that biting results in a reaction from adults or peers.

6. Imitating Behavior: Children often mimic the actions of others. If they see someone else biting or if they’ve been bitten themselves, they might try to imitate that behavior.

7. Overstimulation or Overexcitement: In some cases, children bite when they’re overstimulated or overly excited. Their way of handling intense emotions might be through biting.

To address biting, it’s helpful to remain calm and consistent. Providing alternative ways for infants and toddlers who bite to express themselves is essential for helping them learn appropriate behavior.

Here are some strategies you can implement to guide them:

1. Use Signs for Emotions and Teach Simple Words 

• ·Use sign language to teach basic emotional signs, such as "more," "please," "all done," and "help," “excited.”

• Often toddlers and infants have not yet developed the appropriate vocabulary by introducing basic words like “hurt,” “mad,” “sad,” and “help” “happy,” will help toddlers express their feelings verbally.

• Model emotional vocabulary by labeling your own feelings out loud  For instance; “I’m feeling frustrated” or “I’m mad, that’s my toy.” Or “I’m excited because we’re are going to paint”.

2. Model and Practice Social Skills

• Show appropriate alternatives: Teach them to use words like "excuse me" or “my turn now,” or "can I play?" instead of biting when they want attention or a toy.

• Practice turn-taking: Use games and activities to reinforce sharing and waiting for their turn such as roll the ball, building a tower, simple puzzles.

• Praise good behavior: Reinforce positive behaviors, like asking for help or offering a toy, with praise. “I see how you used your words to ask for the toy.”

3. Create a Calm-Down Routine

• For toddlers who may bite when overwhelmed, develop a calm-down routine. This could include taking deep breaths, counting to three, or going to a quiet corner with a favorite toy.

• Encourage self-soothing techniques like hugging a stuffed animal, squeezing a soft toy, or holding onto a blanket when feeling upset.

4. Use Redirection

• If you notice a child about to bite, redirect their attention to something else (e.g., offer a toy, encourage a different activity, or ask them to point to what they want).

• Distract them with a different activity, such as playing with building blocks or reading a book, especially when they start to show frustration.

5. Provide Positive Reinforcement

• Praise and reward positive behavior: “Well done, I see how you expressed your feelings with words saying ‘I want that!’"

• Reinforce when the child uses words instead of biting. “Instead of biting you told him, ‘my toy, no thank you.”

6. Set Clear, Consistent Boundaries

• Consistency is key when biting happens. Calmly and firmly say, “Biting hurts” and explain that it’s not okay.

7. Create a Safe Environment

• If biting occurs due to frustration provide a safe space to calm down thus giving time for these heighten emotions to dissipate.

• Intervene calmly to prevent escalation and help the child to understand their feelings by expressing them. “I can see you have big feelings right now and that is ok, so let’s play over here while those feelings calm down.”

• This explains what is happening to the child without punishment.

8. Offer Alternative Toys and Activities

• Offer plenty of safe teething toys for infants/toddler who might bite because they’re teething.

• Ensure the child has access to toys and activities that help them learn emotional regulation, like sensory bins, soft toys, or play-dough.

9. Encourage Empathy

• Model empathy by gently asking how the other child might feel when bitten. For example, “Let’s check on your friend. Biting makes them sad, and we want to be kind.”

• Help them understand cause and effect: Teach the child that their actions (biting) can affect others and how it makes other people feel.

10. Offer Frequent Praise for Good Behavior

• Praise and reinforce when the child is able to express frustration or needs in more positive ways, like using words, gestures, or asking for help.

• Provide lots of positive attention for moments when the child handles frustration appropriately.

By consistently modeling, teaching, and providing alternatives, we can help an infant or toddler gradually outgrow biting and learn better ways to express themselves and interact with others.