MISSING GUARDRAILS

Recently I was reflecting on a conversation I had with a mom who had a grown son. She was angry and resentful of his utter lack of respect for her.

She told me, “I do everything for him. I help him with his rent, I do his laundry, I give him money when he needs it and yet nothing I do is good enough. He is so rude to me. I don’t know what to do.”

Unfortunately I heard this similar story from parents with much younger children as well. So how does this happen? How do parents who love their children unconditionally end up in this situation? The answer is simple. Missing Guardrails!

The purpose of guardrails along the road is to prevent you from falling down a dangerous embankment right? Well the same holds true with relationships.

When my daughter was transitioning from a crib to a big girl bed I put a guardrail on her bed so if she got to close to the edge she would not fall out in the middle of the night. The guardrail was there to protect her. It was there as a boundary to ensure her safety.

Many parents today are missing guardrails in their parenting strategies. I have also noticed that it not only parents but schools, daycares and even the work place lack proper boundaries.

In the past 30 years as a childcare professional I have seen too many parents fear creating the necessary limits in their families and as a result too many are plunging down some hideous embankments. As a result we have a lot of children and parents “off the road” looking for a way out.

So what can we do? Here is a lifeline.

If you are a couple then it is imperative that you sit down together and devise a plan for creating guardrails for your family. If you are a single parent you need to do this for your own home. If you have an amicable relationship with your X-spouse then by all means include him/her. If not, do it for your home; that is all you can be responsible for. Here are some suggestions that are imperative to add to your family’s list of guardrails. Without these three guardrails as a foundation I can pretty much guarantee someone in your family will topple the embankment and become seriously hurt.

Parents and children cannot be friends or buddies!!!!

Our role as a parent is to lead, teach and mentor our children.

Respect for authority is not there if the child sees you as an equal.

This also opens the door for rebellion, aggression on the part of the child and utter frustration on the part of the parent.

Be consistent!!!!

I cannot stress this enough! How can we expect our children to develop healthy boundaries for themselves if what they have grown up with is wishy washy rules.

Your yes must ALWAYS be yes and your no ALWAYS no.

Both parents MUST be on the same page. Even if you initially disagree, talk together in private and work it out, but in front of the kids, present a united front.

Follow through!!!!

If you make a promise to take your kids to the park, or attend a concert, DO IT!

If we want our children to become persons of integrity we need to lead the way.

Trust me, I am speaking from experience here. Without these basic principles as your starting point, you will struggle. The good news is, with a little self-discipline and self-control, You can have kids that will become strong, law-abiding little leaders. Isn’t that what we all want for our children?